Digital Love

Digital Love- Daft Punk

It still amazes me that people from the past are reading this. People from middle/high school. I know that I was only known for the dance circles which led me to winning the "Best Dancer" superlative in my class. I was never the most popular. I kinda was just there sometimes. But it's just somewhat cool to know that more than 10 years later, my voice matters. Then again, everyone's voice matters.

So I was asked a while ago when I was going to get back out there in the dating game. Then I still thought my ideal future was going to come true, but since that isn't the case anymore, I guess I have to put myself out there again. Don't want to, but I have no choice. Well, I guess I technically do have a choice, and I don't really do alone well. Then again, I guess I don't relationship well either. Such a vicious circle. The backstory of my 3 main former relationships were that me and the ex were friends before starting a relationship. I should probably stop doing that. Then there was a time at a party where a friend of a friend and I were "smitten" of each other and then we talked for like 6 months straight. I had some feelings for her until she somewhat ghosted me. That was years ago now. We're friends still. So now the only real option, because those other options don't really work for me, is online dating. And guess what? I'm really bad at that too. Never had true success. The only time that might be considered a "success" was getting coffee once. Then I texted her after a couple days later, and she decided to call me "broseph." Oof, instant friendzoned. So here I am, a 30 year old, doing the online thing again. It's been 2 days and I really just want to delete all of the accounts. I'm not good at talking about myself. I'm actually shocked that I've had past relationships because I am not interesting at all. I'm boring as all hell, I'm super awkward, I really bring nothing to the table, and I'm not real likable. I know that some of you will message me saying "Stop being hard on yourself. I like you. Plenty of people like you." Save your time, I'm just overthinking again. I'll be fine, with or without someone. But seriously, online dating sucks. 2 days and I want to quit. That's how much I hate it. 

I had some people tell me that I should start a podcast, which I've actually contemplated. There are a couple things that are stopping me. One is that I don't speak words well. If I could do that, I wouldn't have this blog. I'm a much better writer than speaker. I don't stutter when I write. The second thing that's stopping me is that I was on a podcast, and was essentially cast aside (ahem, Hangtime Podcast). I didn't really bring much to it because I'm not funny and was just there to be the basis of jokes. Ehh, whatever. They don't read this. I'm just self-conscious about starting a podcast with memories that leave a bitter taste in my mouth. But I'll still consider it. I was also considering having guest writers post something on here. It would be something different to bring to the table. If you would be interested in anything like that, or if you have criticisms, or comments, or just want to say hello, feel free to reach out to me. 

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