Well I meant to post yesterday, but I got some margaritas in me and the rest is history. So instead, the quick post is today. If it's not known to you, I'm a big fan of professional wrestling. Tonight is the beginning of Wrestlemania season, with the Royal Rumble. Being realistic, wrestling has been awful recently, so I have no real expectations. Just going to drink some beers (hopefully some Steveweisers, Oh Hell Yeah!), eat some pizza, hang with some good friends (safely, there is a pandemic going on still) and try to have a good time. And that's the bottom line, because Stone Cold said so!
0 Comments
Everybody's looking forward to the weekend. Partying, partying, Yeah! Do you remember "Friday" by Rebecca Black? Such a classic. When this "song" came out, we watched the music video in my college English class, where I wrote down everything wrong with it. I had 2 pages two minutes in and then I gave up. It was the most I ever participated in an English class throughout school. But here we are on Friday and I promised a music post, so I'll give you a list of 7 songs with a brief description of what they mean to me.
1. "Somebody to Love" by Queen- I think this is my favorite song. Queen is my favorite band. I should just put Queen and not any particular song, that's how much I love Queen. But "Somebody to Love" is number 1 to me all time. 2. "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Queen- Another Queen song? Yes. I told you, I love Queen. But this song is one of the first I learned to play on bass guitar. I got to a point with playing this song that I could play it behind my head. I don't think I could do that anymore. My shoulder isn't flexible enough now. 3. "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson- Ahh yes. The King of Pop. This song is what got me started with dancing. I use the term "dancing" very loosely. It was at the end of 6th grade where I decided to show what skills I had at that time. My mom told me not to do the crotch grab. I don't know what happened next. 4. "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams and Nile Rogers- 2013 was probably my greatest year, second is 2019. But in 2013, this masterpiece of a song was released and I made it known how much I loved this song. I take credit in making it as popular as it was. I told all of my friends that I loved it first. This and "Blurred Lines." Love me some "Blurred Lines." But Daft Punk makes the list because I'm up all night to Get Lucky. 5. "Handle with Care" by the Traveling Wilburys- 5 successful musicians (George Harrison, Tom Petty, Jeff Lynne, Roy Orbison, and Bob Dylan) combine to make up one of, if not, the best supergroups in history. The title is how I would describe any current and future relationship I have, to handle me with care. I could have went "Got My Mind Set on You" or "What is Life" on this list, as George Harrison made some absolute classics. He was the best Beatle post-breakup. 6. "May I Have This Dance" by Francis and the Lights feat. Chance the Rapper- This songs gets me thinking a lot. The interpretive dance in the music video (that actually involves Francis and Chance) gives me the urge to get back into dancing. Not just like "the worm" that I used to do, but actual movement to music. Go check this music video out. "May I have this dance to make it up to you?" 7. "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves- This is my mom's favorite. She is a saint and deserves to be on this list. All hail her! All hail Saint (Name Redacted)! There's so many more songs that I could write about, which I might do in the future. Okay fine, one more recommendation. Go check out "Imploding the Mirage" by the Killers. The whole album. It got me through the last half of last year. Well, I'll see you tomorrow for a hopefully quick post for the weekend. I'll give you a heads up now, it will be for a niche audience. You'll see why, brother. I needed a catchy title for today. I am not currently drinking tequila. Sorry to disappoint there. I debated on whether or not I wanted to do a post today just because doing that long post yesterday was very draining. Like my head hurt after typing all of that. If you read all of that, you're a trooper. So for today, I'll try to keep it shorter. But who knows. Once I get going, I keep going for a long time (ha). For tomorrows post, I plan on doing a list of songs that I really enjoy. Songs with some meaning, lyrically and personally. Some of them are my favorites and some I have been listening to for more recently. On Saturday, I'll do a smallerish post to give me a break on the actual weekend, so look out for that.
I know I keep saying it, but all of the support and words of encouragement for me and this blog have been overwhelming. A good overwhelming. All sorts of people have been reaching out, from those close to me, to those that I haven't spoken to since high school and everything in between. I don't think posting everyday on Facebook and Instagram has anything to do with it. I really hope you got that sarcasm. It's hard to tell through written word. I also think I should start a separate Instagram for advertising this just because I feel like I'm annoying people with posts everyday. So that might come next week. It's just kind of weird that growing up, I felt like I didn't have a voice. Although I do remember a moment at Youth Group camp that I said that I felt I had a voice there, and later on, someone told me that when I said that, they lost it. I think I lost my voice for a while, but now have finally found it again. Found it through the written word, because I hate my actual voice. I don't get how people listen to that thing. Sarcasm again. Oh you got it? Good. I'll shut up now. Today's title is what song is playing when I started to write, so it's Tom Petty's "I Won't Back Down." I couldn't think of a clever title, so that's what I decided to choose. But in reality, I use that song for motivation to get better. Because I could just let my demons get the best of me and stop fighting. But as the song states, there's no easy way out. I'm gonna stand my ground, keep fighting the good fight, and keep trying to get better, because I certainly am not going to quit and I won't back down. And now here we go with today's post.
-So as I stated in yesterday's short post, it was not a good day for me mentally. I'm not going to discuss that here. That was for my personal journal. I have to keep some things to myself, so I keep a journal for that stuff. However, I'm trying to turn negatives into positives and that's what I did last night. As some of you know, I'm an avid bowler and am in a league on Tuesday's. Last night. I took my terrible attitude and turned it into probably my best bowling night I've ever had. Sometimes it's good to take some aggression out on inanimate objects (Never take it out on people. It will cost you. Trust me.) and those pins never had a chance against me last night. To improve my bowling night, I had to make adjustments. Which is also what I have to do in life. Something not going my way? Make adjustments. Shake things up if you have to in order to make things better. I should really take that advice and stick with it. -I'm going to sound like a little bit of a weirdo when I say this (Oh well. I'm used to being called one, so whatever), but I sometimes think about how I was a couple of feet away from being hit by a car in South Boston just about a year and a half ago. Long story short about that, I was in the crosswalk with the person I was dating at the time, we were like halfway across the street in the crosswalk, and a guy was looking down at his phone, and almost had an accident. Luckily, the person I was with stopped me (like I don't know what to call her in this blog. I don't want to say ex-girlfriend because honestly that still sucks, and I don't want to use names.) She saw that the dude wasn't paying attention and I was continuing and she stopped me. What's weird about that was I really didn't care about my safety. Either one of us or none of us were going to be hit, because I'd rather risk my body for someone that I care about. After it happened, like seconds after, I was saying that she should have let me get hit because of the money I would have got (I was in a financial predicament then. Like I said earlier, don't take out your anger on another person. It will cost you.) I was focused on the wrong things. I should have been more focused on her feelings will a close call like that. Like I could have died, or realistically been severely injured, but I was worried about money? What an idiot I was. Looking back at it now, I'm glad she noticed that car and stopped me. Because she saved my life (multiple times really). But I look back at that and I'm glad I'm still here. -Okay, back to positive, non-bummer statements. I really had a better day today. I know that I'll have those types of days like I did yesterday where everything feels like it's going to shit. It last a moment, one day, or multiple days. But it's how I respond to those. It's certain moments that can turn everything around. I woke up today determined to have a better day, and I did. I was joking around and laughing and had a good work day (I did some actual work, I swear) and was all around in a better mood. I'm going to keep trying to have those good days. I deserve it now and then. Just like everyone else. You deserve good days. Overthinking last night.
Overthinking all day. Today was not a good day. Here's to a better tomorrow. So I think my plan for this blog is to post everyday for maybe a week or a couple weeks just because I have so much on my mind that I want to get out. If that doesn't interest you, hopefully you will return in a couple weeks where the posts are less frequent. For those who are staying, let's begin with today's chapter.
-I have to say thank you once again to everyone who has read this blog. Even though I just started and only have 2 posts, every comment to me has been very positive and it keeps me wanting to write more. This may only be a small blog, but the limits do not exist of where I want to take this and where I want to take myself in the future. Yeah sure, there's still a ton of work to do with this (critiques, advice, etc. are accepted), but I'm happy with where this is going so far. I have been told that I need to stop apologizing for what I write, but that's still my mind thinking that I'm fucking things up. Also, I may be all over the place with what I say. I'll go on nonsensical rants that don't make any sense. I may even contradict some things, but that's how my brain is processing everything at that moment, but that's okay. Just ask for further clarification and I'll give it to you. (Side note: Avengers Endgame is on tv as I type this and it's the first time we're introduced to Fat Thor in the film and it's still one of my favorite scenes.) -I think everyone knows that I'm way too hard on myself, that I take myself too seriously, which I am and do. I just try to do my best, and at times, I think that my best wasn't good enough. I know of some situations that I know that I wasn't good enough, and you all probably do too. When I do feel this way, I think I try to overcompensate and try to help everyone else with their problems, to try to make their lives easier. As I keep thinking on it, I care about what happens to others way more than what happens to me. No one deserves to struggle, including me. I also hold onto hope way too much. Hoping things will work out in the long term, and not worrying about the short term/present. Long term work, friendships, relationships. Especially relationships. That one deserves its own chapter in this somewhere down the line, but as a preview, I'll say that most relationships I've had, I'll hold onto hope that something will work out in the long term. Which is not fair. Not fair to them, not fair to me, not fair to the actual connection we have/had. It's not fair. -As you know, this is all about being better. I learn something new about the world and myself everyday. I could be old and alone (I know some of you just said "You're already old and alone." Hahahaha shut up.), but as long as I finally find that happiness and I feel content with where I am, it doesn't matter how long this all takes. That is what's great about this. There is no time limit, well until I die, which isn't coming soon. I'm going to appreciate each and every moment. One. Day. At a time. -I've noticed recently, well actually longer, that I find me and my mind are the most vulnerable usually at night. I really don't sleep well anymore, staying up way later than I plan, because that's when I get into my head the most. I used to have a routine, but that routine was disrupted. You would think that I would eventually get used to not having that, by having set a new routine, but in reality, I haven't. Overthinking is my biggest flaw. I'm trying to control that, but when I'm alone, it tends to slip out of my hands. which leads me to my next thought...
-I need to get used to be physically and mentally alone. I've been watching a lot of "How I Met Your Mother" because it's on at night when I can't sleep as stated above. The main character, Ted Mosby, is obsessed with finding the one, the love of his life. Looking back at the majority of my 20s, I feel we shared this characteristic. Especially after the past couple years. With my up-and-down mental stability, it was nice to be comforted, to feel safe, to not be judged, to be loved. I just wished that I could have offered that. I wish I wasn't stupid and ruined everything. But to offer those things to someone else, I need to offer that to myself. I need to care and love myself before I'm able to do that for someone again. I need to be alone, to figure out what I like, to find out what brings me enjoyment, so I can figure out how to do that for anyone. -I hope that all made sense. It did in my mind, but we all know that how I want to word things doesn't usually work out as planned. As I keep posting, hopefully I get better. It's all about getting better. I will get better. One. Day. At a time. Hey everyone! Thank you for coming to my website. I've decided that instead of posting long posts on social media about my feelings, I would make a blog about everything that I write. This is very new to me, as I have no clue how to run/design a website/blog, so bear with me as I learn the ropes. As for my previous posts on Facebook and Instagram, I might bring them over here to archive my progression, but I have not fully decided on that yet. Since I'm on that topic, thank you to everyone for their support and those who reached out to me with my social media posts. I've got a lot planned for the future, for this blog, for creativity, but most importantly, in my life. It's a road that I'm taking, and am inviting you to come along, as I try to find happiness, which I hope I eventually will. One. Day. At a time.
|