So, it's been 7 months since I've touched this blog. A lot has happened, good and bad. Usually, I'd do a whole wrap up of the year in an Instagram post, but I figured I'd do it here because I need to get back into writing (and I've paid for the blog, so why not actually use it, right?). I've got so much to say, and much more on my mind, but first I have to backtrack to catch up on what's happening today.
What has been covered here/might be known to some people: -Went crazy to begin the year -Got into healthier habits. -Felt pretty good at some point -Talked to/"seeing" someone I've known for 10 years. -Was ghosted by said person. Back in May, I wanted to get back into the healthier habits that cleared my mind (for the most part) of the negativity that was there from the winter, and shockingly enough, that didn't happen. But for the moment then, I was fine. I was out doing things because it was Summer, and Summer is when I'm the happiest. And then it was Fall and also at the same time, wedding season. I thrive on weddings, like I get way too excited for them. I attended 3 weddings in 4 weeks, the last of the weddings probably being the best wedding I've ever attended (no offense to the other 2, or any wedding I've ever attended). It was one of the greatest weekends ever, and ultimately, the start of the downfall to the rest of the year. Since the end of October, things mostly haven't been going my way. Sure, there were a couple of hope spots. I started driving again (still working on getting my own car though). I turned an age older than 30 that I refuse to accept 🤮 (I just found out that I could put emojis on here through my laptop and I've had this thing for almost a year). I technically got a promotion at work. And then I talked to someone new, that actually has a common love for wrestling, for a month. But yeah, I have the freedom to go anywhere I want (that's accessible without a highway because the car I'm using doesn't do well with highways), but yet, I have nowhere to go. Why celebrate a "promotion" when I was just about ready to leave my job? And then when you talk about your struggles and fears to someone, and they say they understand and are willing to wait and help until I'm comfortable and then just become short and distant. As the movie quote goes, "I'm too old for this shit." I could tell over the past couple weeks that I haven't been myself (yes, again). I've definitely hit the winter depression again. This leads to today. Probably the worst overthinking days I've had in those couple weeks, and I just stumbled into it. I was searching for something on my phone, and I came across an old conversation from a couple years ago, and I got lost in it. I used to be funny, charming, caring, and most importantly, genuine. Now that I've had hours to think this over, the main question I have is one I ask myself all of the time: "What happened?" Have I really distanced myself from having those qualities? The answer is yes. Looking back at that conversation and what was going on at the time and what's happened to me now, it's just like night and day. I've changed for the worst. I know some people will say that I still have those qualities and I'm once again in my own head (I am), but the ones that I truly care about will probably tell you different. Much to the point that they don't talk to me anymore and I understand why. I've definitely hit another valley in life, but that just means there is only one direction to go...again. Up. This just leaves the final question of 2021: "What's 2022 going to be like?" The cliche answer is that I have no idea what's in store for me. The truthful answer is that I need to get back to basics. Getting/asking for help. Continue to grow. Get out of the bad habit of saying I'll do something and never do it. Maybe follow up on some of the goals that were meant for 2021. Get a car. Most importantly, get back to being someone that not just other like, but someone I like. Because a happy Brett is the better Brett, or the Bretter (an unpopular opinion to some). @brettavitabile/@onedaybretter Always. |