Forgive me, for it has been 2 weeks since I've last posted. My penance shall be saying 3 Bohemian Rhapsody's, 2 Mr. Brightside's, and a nip of Dr. McGillicuddy's. As I think I eluded to before, now that it's springtime, I'm becoming more busy so I won't be posting as much. But I will always make time once in a while to jot down some of my thoughts. And here are those thoughts.

To begin with, I'm still riding this high of being in a good mood/being happy. It still feels weird because this usually lasts a couple weeks and then the fuckening happens and everything goes to shit. But here I am, so far, so good. Also, I'm still going to the gym, but I'd like to go more regularly than what I do now. I can feel a difference in my body since I've been going, but I'm not at the point I'd like to be. But since I've basically just started, that's expected to be far off from what I want. I should do more workouts from home to keep up with what I want. I don't remember if I've said it here, but I needed to make a change with my body. Last summer, I think I was pushing 230 pounds, which with my height and frame, was not healthy. And then depression happened and I dropped 20 pounds real quick, which was equally unhealthy. So now I'm trying to drop the weight in a healthier way with workout and trying to eat better, but I slip up with food, because food is good. As I type, I'm close to 200 pounds. I do feel more in shape than I ever did in the past couple years, but there's still work to do. I know people like the "dad bod" look, but I'd like to have some sort of tone to my body, And abs. I had them once and I want them again. I will get my summer spite body.

Consistency is key. But what happens when that key can't unlock the door? What are you supposed to do then? The door is boarded up. Reinforced to make sure you can't get in. Do you try to kick it down? The walls will crack from the pressure, but it's reinforced, so it's not breaking. Do you tear down the walls? You do that, the foundation that surrounds that door crumbles. So what's left? Burn it down? Only do that if you want nothing to remain. It's your call. Leave it alone or burn everything to the ground? Or do you try to find the right key and hope the door eventually unlocks? The decision is yours.

@brettwontdie/@onedaybretter

​Always.

Here it is. It's almost the beginning of spring. Days are getting longer, weather is warming up, I'm becoming more and more busy. Hence why I haven't posted in this blog in a while. It's kinda weird that I'm still doing well, that I'm still somewhat happy and still in to becoming better. Usually, I would have fucked that up by now. But I haven't that I know of. I've been to the gym a couple times now, learning new ways to workout and I can see me sticking with it. I can see/feel the results so far. So I guess I can say that life is still going well as of this moment.

I'm going to say this here. I'm not apologizing for posting things everyday on social media. I'm not apologizing for living my life now. There are people who have in the past that they worry about me, especially when the shit hit the fan two months ago, before I started doing this blog. I post things, mainly on Instagram, to show those people that I'm not dead. I bet it annoys so many people that I have something everyday, and I don't care. I discover new music. I post it. I find something funny. I post it. Old photos? Posted. This stuff makes me happy and somewhat helps me with getting better and I think A happier, better Brett is a whole lot better than a miserable, depressed Brett. But that's only my opinion. To those who worry about me, you can worry a little less. 

That was a quick update with where I'm at now. I've thrown out the idea of the podcast to a couple people, so we just have to find the time to finally start it. I hope you are achieving goals, making good choices, and doing what makes you happy. If you're not, it's never too late to start. Take it from me. It's still only the beginning and the journey is long, but I know it's going to be worth it in the end.

@brettwontdie/@onedaybretter

Always.

This seems kind of weird to write because I usually talk about my sad/depressing feelings/emotions but I've been feeling pretty good about myself recently. I've just been in a better mood. I went out and had some good experiences, with friends and some new people. I think I was a normal person for once. Well, I don't think I came off as weird like I usually do. I'll never be normal and I'm okay with that. Although after this past weekend, I probably should cleanse my body. I mean I guess that's what the gym is for. Also, it's almost spring and that means the beginning of frisbee season, which means being a part of drinking a 30 every week. I'm sure that I'll find a balance at some point.

This really doesn't have to do with anything, but I've been thinking about getting another tattoo. For those who don't know, I have "Always Believe" tattooed on my left wrist. I got it almost 7 years ago after I did some things that I'm not proud of. So instead of looking at my wrist in disappointment, I thought I would put a positive message to remind me to not give up. Yeah, it's tax season and some of us (I'm included in this) are getting stimulus checks. I should use the money I'm getting for important things, like a car or maybe move out. But I'm going to be one of those people that says they're going to get a tattoo with the money. I've also wanted a tattoo sleeve for a while now, and this could be the beginning of that.  I've also thought over the years that I can deal with the physical pain over mental/emotional pain. In the right circumstance, the physical pain will eventually get better, but I'm not so sure about the mental. That's why I would risk my body for anything. Like almost being hit by a car. Like getting poked with a needle to put ink into my skin. I know those aren't really comparable, but whatever. I have ideas for what I want and I'm excited to make those ideas into a reality.

I'm still thinking about doing a podcast, but I want to create a format first. But it is in the works. I still want to get photos done. I have all of the time in the world to accomplish anything, besides the time I'm working or sleeping. But I believe. I'll Always Believe.

@brettwontdie/@onedaybretter on Instagram.

It's been one week since I've last posted on this blog. I have to say it was a good break. There was a thing that happened over the weekend that led me to some more overthinking, and also led me to not be myself. I was in a dark state in my mind for a couple days. Just pure unhappiness. I had written on Monday, but I hated everything that was happening, and so I deleted what I started. I didn't like what was going on. So I made a little change. I worked out yesterday for the first time in a while, which included my first ever gym trip (if we're friends on Facebook, you would have saw my post). And I can tell you that today, it was worth it. As sore as I am, I feel physically better. But a bigger thing is that my mind is a little less foggy. Working out actually made me feel better. Couldn't sleep at all, but it was worth it. I'm going to get into the best shape of my life. I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to get ripped. This is just the beginning.

As you can see, I have my ups and downs. I think about if I put too much of myself out there. Like if and when a new relationship happens, there are a lot of red flags in this blog. But I guess I'll have to deal with that when the time comes. Probably won't happen for a while though. Things can change. I'm changing for the better. Because I need to.  I'm glad you are still following me on my journey. Thanks.

@brettwontdie/@onedaybretter

​Always.